As I mentioned yesterday, Saturday I officially started Weight Watchers. I of course had so many excuses not to do the program, the biggest reason being the added expense every month. However, recently I have noticed any time I am feeling sad or mad or anything other than happiness it all stems from my weight issues. Say I over ate or ate something ridiculously gross and fattening or I had somewhere to go and wanted to wear something cute, only to realize I didn't fit into anything. All of these feelings of rejection and disappointment lead me to be angry with myself and disappointed in myself, these feelings ruined my mood towards everything. How sad is it that something so fixable has so much control over whether I am going to have a good day or not?
I am very excited about my new Weight Watchers journey. I went to my first meeting Wednesday night. At this meeting I realized what a shameful thing weight and self image is for a number of people - men and women. I hear many women talk about how guys do not have to worry about their weight like we do, but I am learning this is just simply not true. Men and woman worry about their weight and image equally, the difference is in how and who they tell about their concerns.
At Wednesday’s meeting we discussed snacking. I noticed that it was difficult for everyone to name a low point healthy snack but when we were asked about a comfort snack, the flood gates opened. It was a never ending list. Then came the confession, from one small woman, "Today I ate 6 - 8 Oreos....in the closet". Now as shocking as this statement may sound to some, this is not that uncommon. I have a friend that used to hide and snack in her walk in pantry. This to me represents all of the shame that can come along with not being happy with your body and feeling so out of control. (I will tell you I personally like to sprawl out on my bed and watch trash TV when I am going to indulge.)
A great example of shameful eating or binging I saw on an episode of Ruby. Have you seen the show?
The show is on style, I believe it is now in its fourth season. Ruby started at over 700 pounds. I have not watched this season but last season she was in the low 300's. Pretty amazing! Anyhow, one episode her friend describes a binge she went on, she sat in house eating nearly everything for an extended amount of time. The only way she could get herself to stop was to strip down naked and paint her finger nails, so she could not drive anywhere or open anymore packages. I know this is very extreme but this image has haunted me on those days when I just do not feel in control. It makes me wonder, how do you get that bad? If I don't get control now is that where I am headed?
I don't believe I am headed in that extreme; I have pretty much had the same cycle/habits for 10 years now. My point is that the cycle I am in is causing me unhappiness and I am determined to regain that control.
I went to a meeting Saturday to officially sign up for Weight Watchers. The group Saturday was very different from Wednesday’s group. There were a number of men there, generally an older slightly larger crowd. I thought it was great to see men there and the men contributed to the conversations! Once hubby is back from Florida I will continue the Wednesday meetings because I felt I fit in with that group a little better.
Please do not worry; my whole blog will not be consumed by WW. I am not comfortable sharing my starting weight but I will share with you the number of pounds I need to loose - 50. I will post weekly updates of my progress and share meals with you. If you have any questions please feel free to ask them. I am a pretty open person.
I would like to make one final statement on this topic. This decision and journey, for me, is not simply to loose weight. My eating habits ar not only physically unhealthy but I feel they have become mentally and spiritually unhealthy. It is time for me to take control!
Hope everyone is have a great week so far!!
